


Pieces of Me Are Pieces of You

by wastedandalone



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Based on Tony's vision in AOU, Character Death, Hospitalization, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, Love Confessions, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:34:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26895280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastedandalone/pseuds/wastedandalone
Summary: During Loki's invasion, Tony can save New York, but he can't save the love of his life.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Pieces of Me Are Pieces of You

**Author's Note:**

> um... I have nothing to say. I wanted to write angst and so I did. except I made myself cry so that probably wasn't a good idea. anyways. I promise to post tooth-rotting fluff after this where everyone lives and everything is perfect.
> 
> playlist for this work:   
> in case you don't live forever - ben platt  
> anchor - novo amor  
> for you - keith urban  
> fine line - harry styles

  * _Before -_



“I’m telling you, Steve, he likes you!” Natasha playfully smiled as Steve stared at Tony across the room. It was a Stark Industries gala this evening, and Tony looked absolutely stunning in his Versace suit, but then again, he looked breathtaking to Steve in anything. Steve shook his head, chuckling softly. 

“No, there’s no way… See? He’s flirting with one of his business partners.” Steve lifted his head to see the pair standing at the bar, sipping on martinis. Natasha rolled her eyes, not buying any of it. 

“That’s the thing! He can’t English when he’s around you. If he isn’t teasing you, he doesn’t know how to talk to you because it’ll just come out as a blurted ‘I love you.’” Natasha was growing more exasperated. Trying to convince Steve otherwise was like talking to a brick wall.

“Tasha…” He trailed off, looking at her sternly. “Just cause I’m the only one that can calm him down from his nightmares doesn’t--”

“Nope, stop it right there. He’s crazy about you, Steve. I’m willing to bet on it,” Natasha smirked, challenging Steve. 

“Alright, I’ll put five bucks on it.” Steve stuck his hand out to Natasha. She grabbed it, giving him a firm handshake.

“Deal.”

  * _Two Weeks Later -_



“Fury, we have to send in the nukes. There’s no other way.” 

The council had already decided that nuking the entirety of NYC was the only way to save the city from Loki’s army; casualties and destruction be damned. 

“I understand that the Council has made a decision, but due to the fact that it is a stupid ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it,” Fury argued.

On the main floor of the helicarrier, Agent Hill was desperately trying to stop the nukes from being deployed, but her efforts were futile. Both missiles had been deployed before Fury had a chance to stop them. His next line of defense was Stark, the infamous Iron Man. He could fix this… 

Only Tony was down for the count. Loki was holding him hostage, and the ransom for his life was taking Captain America’s. 

Cap stood opposite Tony, tears welling up in his eyes. Loki had Tony out of his suit, tied up, with a cloth gag in his mouth. It was all too similar to Afghanistan, and Tony knew he’d be having a panic attack if Steve wasn’t here. But Loki was going to kill Cap right in front of him, and somehow that would be worse than everything combined. He couldn’t tell Steve that he loved him, that he wanted to marry the star-spangled idiot, that he was done hating him because of how his father had compared the two. 

Loki circled Tony’s chair, a gun to Tony’s head. His scepter had already been taken away. Tony was quick to notice the SHIELD logo embossed on the side of the pistol.

“Either you surrender voluntarily, or your pretty boy dies,” Loki growled lowly. Tony’s eyes grew wide as Steve took his helmet off, dropping to his knees. This isn’t the way Tony pictured seeing him on his knees…

Steve looked to Tony, tears rolling down his cheeks. “The team needs you more than it needs me. Take care of yourself, doll.” Tony began furiously shaking his head, screams muffled by the cloth. Loki pointed the gun towards Steve, looking to Tony.

“Looks like your lover is saving you. How romantic.” 

The gun fired at the last word with no warning to either of them. Tony watched as Steve was drained of his life force, the red liquid pooling around his broad shoulders. Tony stopped screaming, his throat sore and scratchy. He held his composure, his sadness quickly turning to rage as Loki unfastened the restraints with a swipe of his hand. Tony was ready to get revenge on the bastard who was responsible when Natasha came up to him. 

“Stay with Steve. We’ll take care of Loki.”

All Tony could do was nod. He knelt down next to Steve, his blood soaking through the knees of his jeans. The serum couldn't save him now. He was losing too much blood much too quickly. Tony knew Steve wouldn’t make it if he waited to get him to the med wing any longer. He put on his Iron Man suit, the “tin can” folding out from his bracelets, leaving his face free. The suit he couldn't activate five minutes ago due to his wrists being tied up. He picked up his super soldier with ease, going ten floors down to the med wing. Nurses were already prepping a room and met Tony at the door with a gurney. Dr. Cho looked at Tony with concern etched on her face. 

"Let me get him stabilized while Abby takes care of you. You don't look too good either, Mr. Stark." 

Tony nodded again, looking down at the stark contrast of red blood on his blue repulsors. He didn’t have it in him to wipe the blood off before returning his suit to the bracelets. He followed Abby into a med bay of his own, right across the hall from Steve. Dr. Cho had the curtains drawn so he couldn't see what was going on. Abby went to work on Tony, but he was numb to the sting of hydrogen peroxide and stitches. He was too worried about Steve. Tony stared at the blonde’s room, a wistful look on his face. Steve had to be okay. He needed the old man. This wasn’t fair. He’d only been out of the ice for three years; Tony still had so much left to show him. 

Just then, Thor’s voice came through crystal clear on the comms. “Nukes have been taken care of. Any update on the Captain?” 

Tony took out his earpiece. He couldn’t bear to hear Dr. Cho’s update, even if he knew it would be a simple “working on stabilizing him.” He didn’t want to hear anything if it wasn’t from Steve himself. 

He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but when his eyes open, he immediately looks across the hall to Steve’s room. The blonde was back in a slumber, as if he'd been a Capsicle again, except this time he was intubated with an IV, a blood transfusion, and a breathing tube. Loki shot Tony's love in the chest. From the looks of it, he missed the heart, but went through the right lung. Tony woke up more, climbing out of the hospital bed. He chose to be a good patient and keep his IV in, so he grabbed the pole - "dancing partners" as Steve called them - and steadily made his way across the hall to his Captain's room. He slowly crossed the threshold, afraid to break the peaceful silence. Tony knew he was already gone, it was just a matter of time before the soldier took his last breath. He made his way to the bed, sitting down in the lone chair beside it. He was hesitant to touch Steve, and he wasn’t sure why. They had held each other before, comforting one another through endless nightmares. Something about reaching out for his hand seemed sacred, and Tony deemed himself unworthy to touch him.

However, against his better judgement, he took Steve’s hand gently, scooting closer to the bed. The soldier’s chest rose and fell by force of machine. A tear fell down Tony’s cheek before he even realized he was crying. He wiped it away immediately, willing himself to “man up.” One of them had to be strong, and Tony had a feeling Steve wasn’t feeling too hot, wherever his mind or his spirit was. The brunette was trying to decide whether or not to speak, unsure if Steve would even hear him. He took a deep breath in, softly placing his other hand on top of Cap’s, running his thumb lightly over the bruised knuckles. 

When he did speak, it was just barely above a whisper, too afraid to break the little bubble that surrounded them. 

“Hey, Capsicle. I hate you for doing this…” Tony trailed off, bringing Steve’s hand up to his mouth to kiss it. “You know, this is just like when you jumped on that fake grenade in training camp.” He chuckles softly, smiling, remembering when he found Steve’s file. Of course, Agent Carter had recorded that in her notes. He feels a lump beginning to form in his throat. The grip on Steve’s hand tightens, tears threatening to spill again. A handful escape, landing on the soldier’s arm before Tony can stop them. “God, I wish that was a rubber bullet, or, y’know, something that couldn’t kill you. Fuck. This -- this isn’t right. That should be me, Steve. Goddamn it, come back to me. Please..” Tony’s head dropped, pressing the blonde’s hand to his face, the fingertips much too cold for Tony’s liking. 

Time went by much too quickly. Each second that passed felt like another grain of sand slipping through the hourglass. Steve was falling through Tony’s fingertips, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever recover. Love couldn’t save Steve, so why in the hell would it save Tony? Nurses shuffled in and out, offering condolences to Tony. Captain America was no longer invincible; his death was inevitable. It wasn’t fair. 

It was now close to 4 a.m. 3:37 a.m. to be exact. It was at this point Tony noticed Steve’s breathing slowing down. Even on the ventilator, his chest was rising and falling at different rates, everything becoming more labored as the seconds passed. 

Tony jolted awake, grabbing Cap’s hand as fast as he could. 

“No… no, no no. C’mon, Capsicle, stay with me,” Tony pleaded. His hand held on tightly to the blonde’s, afraid that if he let go, Steve would disappear. He couldn’t-- he wasn’t ready. He never would be. Steve was supposed to live forever and Tony was supposed to die before Steve so he’d never have to go a day without the love of his life. Tony already had the wedding planned and an engagement ring picked out, because even though they weren’t officially together, Tony was sure Steve was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. 

Minutes passed that felt like hours. It was now 3:42 a.m. The soldier’s heartbeat was slowing down rapidly, and Tony knew he didn’t have much time left with Steve. The brunette leaned over and kissed the top of his soldier’s head. 

Tony pressed his forehead to Steve’s, not being able to stop the sobs that escaped him. He closed his eyes and prayed to whoever was listening that Steve could feel how much Tony loved him. The heart monitor slowed to a near stop before flatlining at 3:44 a.m. Tony had just a few quiet moments before Dr. Cho and nurses rushed in, whisking Tony away screaming. Abby held on to him tightly, pressing him against her chest before Bruce took over for her. Bruce held up Tony’s limp body as he sobbed, his fist beating against the doctor’s chest. Bruce could take the physical aspect, but seeing his best friend so broken was another thing entirely. He made sure Tony didn’t see the morgue team wheel Steve’s body out of the room. Even though he was covered with a sterile white sheet, the soldier’s physique was all too recognizable. It would’ve shattered Tony entirely. Bruce pulled Tony away from the med bay, all but carrying the man. Tony followed Bruce in a daze and sat down where he was put, in this case the couch on the common floor of the tower - the one where he and Steve had sat so many times, soothing each other after particularly tough missions or nightmares. Tony took no notice. He was still in the middle of trying to process everything. Steve couldn’t be gone. It wasn’t possible. 

It took Tony all of two minutes to curl up into himself, pull his knees to his chest, and sob. 

  * _Four Days Later -_



The entire team was dressed in black, standing with black umbrellas at Arlington National Cemetery. The war hero deserved a proper soldier’s burial. It was pouring, as if the entire world was crying. Captain America was a hero to everyone, but Steve Rogers was Tony’s personal hero. The blue steel casket was now sealed, sitting atop a bier next to the open grave and burial vault. The casket spray featured dozens of red roses and carnations, accentuated by sophisticated white flowers and greenery. It covered his full casket and was a fitting tribute to the soldier.

Tony and Nick Fury were in charge of funeral arrangements. Tony hated it. Picking out the flowers, the casket, the registry book and memorial cards. Fury was mostly there for support. He would’ve had to have been blind to not see that they loved each other. Besides, this was in Steve’s will. He wanted Tony to take care of everything. And Tony was determined to make his funeral perfect with full military honors.

At the graveside, there were only maybe 20 people. Just the team and people from SHIELD Cap was close to. There were about as many servicemen and women there as pallbearers, for the salute, and as security. The casket spray was set beside the coffin as the American flag was draped over Steve’s lifeless body. The Army chaplain said an opening prayer and as everyone said “amen,” the nineteen gun salute began. One shot every five seconds, each one piercing straight through Tony’s heart. After the salute, a bugler began Taps. After the song concluded, two servicemen began folding up the flag into a triangle. Sergeant Daniels came up to Tony holding the flag. He bowed slightly before reciting the presentation rites. 

“On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.” 

Tony took the flag gingerly, then held it tightly once he had it fully in his hands. He still held his composure. As broken as he was, he had to be strong for the team. He still had yet to cry, but he could tell his resolve was quickly dwindling. The one person he needed to comfort him was about to be six feet underground. That flag was his last piece of Steve. 

The pallbearers placed the flowers back on top of Steve’s casket. The Army chaplain came and stood next to the coffin, giving graveside rites. Tony watched with his breath caught in his throat. The chaplain gave a nod to the four men tasked with lowering Steve's body into the vault and they came forward, grabbing the poles on the side of the casket. 

Tony clutched the flag with white knuckles as his soldier was left six feet under. He felt around for the velvet box and worn letter in his front suit pocket. The chaplain stepped away as the funeral party was dismissed, but Tony stayed. Natasha, Bruce, and Fury stood back and watched Tony from a distance. 

He got down on his knees, gently placing the box, what should've been Steve's engagement ring, on top of a cluster of roses. He tucks the letter right beside it, never letting go of the flag. He swipes at his eyes, not daring to lose it just yet, though he could feel the tears building. 

He passes by the group still there at a brisk pace, a strained "See you back at the tower" leaving his lips. He barely makes it to his car, where Happy is waiting for him, before collapsing into the seat and weeping into the flag. Steve's flag. 

Natasha watches him get in and makes sure he's safe before going up to the grave and dropping a $5 bill in. She grins, though her eyes are glassy. "Technically you owe me, but… Told ya so." 

Her and the rest walk away, leaving Steve to rest after all these years. They knew Tony would never heal. He'd never be the same. But that was love. Pieces of Steve are pieces of Tony, so the Captain would never truly be gone. He would still live in Tony's heart, and Tony would wear the wedding ring that never was until his dying day. 

_ Capsicle,  _

_ I'm sorry this is late. I didn’t want it to be. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you and I’m sorry I never told you I love you. I’m sorry I never got to propose or tell you I was done hating you. I wish I could’ve protected you from him. I’ll never forgive myself, Steve. You are the love of my life, always will be, and I’m sorry we’re not buried together underneath one of those combined headstones. I don’t deserve to be Iron Man. If I can’t save you, why should I think I can save the world? You are my world…  _

_ I miss you. And I don’t know where your soul or spirit is but I hope you haunt me. Having you scare the shit out of me on a daily basis would be better than not having you at all. God, I’m sorry. I love you, Steven Grant. I wanted nothing more than to change my name to Stark-Rogers. We’d have a beautiful wedding with hundreds of roses and sunflowers. I know those were your favorites.  _

_ I wish things were different. I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around. I’m a man because you taught me to be one. We’ll be alright.  _

_ You can rest now, Cap.  _

_ Yours forever and always,  _

_ Tony _


End file.
